But this year is going to be different. I think I have been pushing myself into the Christmas mood when usually it just happens. I know this Christmas is going to be hard. Especially for Brooke and her family but their family has become such apart of my family so when they are sad and heart broken so am I. But on top of being sad for them and sad that Larry isn't here I am so sad my Memaw is gone. I mentally know that they are in a better place and they are no longer in pain but I miss them. They were both big on Christmas and to not have either one of them here has been making this Christmas a little blue.
Some of my earliest Christmas memories were at my Memaw house. I love that house from the smell it has to the long hallway that was full of family pictures. Every Christmas that I would be at Memaw's even though I had seen the all the pictures hundreds of times in my life I would still turn on the hall light and just stare at each and every one. I loved that she took the time to put up every picture we ever gave her and loved how she grouped each family (Dad, Aunt Bonnie's, Uncle Torrey then Memaw and Pepaw). I loved that she always had cream cheese jelly and crackers out for us to snack on before we ate and she ALWAYS had her home made chicken noodle soup that only she could make and it was so good and would always make extra just so I could have some to take home. We may not be a close tight knit family but Memaw tried everything to make it special. I don't think I ever got to really tell her how much I loved Christmas with her. I wish I had savored the noodle soup I ate the days after last Christmas more. I didn't know it would be my last. It's funny how the routine of Christmas comes you do all the things that day you always have done and think nothing of it. But once it is gone you want nothing more then to go back and take it all in. I am so thankful for my Memaw and I miss her like crazy. This Christmas was supposed to be the Christmas I spend with Brooke's family and not go to Memaw's I go every other year. But how I wish I could just have one more Christmas just like all the many other's with Memaw but I know she will be with me just as she is every day. Whenever I see a butterfly I think of her and I know most likely it's cause I am looking out for them more but in my heart I feel like she is placing them in the most odd places for me to know she is there.
As for Christmas in Oxford with Brooke's family the same thing goes. Every Christmas since the first Christmas I spent there (this will be my 4th one) but Larry always made it special by the little gifts you didn't expect to his laughter when Brooke or Bree got him a gag gift to the recording everyone on his video camera to make sure we could remember that day always. Just one hand on your shoulder or his amazing hugs you knew you were loved by him and such a pure love. There are so many more things that Brooke and her family will go through missing just like I miss with my Memaw but it's a little harder cause he was the center of the whole family. There will truly be a missing piece there this Christmas. My heart breaks for his family. There is no way it will be the same. But we will make him proud and still have Christmas and do things in his memory. I'm sure there will be tears but we will have each other I know I have two shoulders for any of that family to cry on.
I miss Larry and my Memaw so much. It's such a sad and weird void to feel knowing there is nothing to do to get them back. But I feel them all the time. I still talk to them and feel they hear me or maybe just really hope really bad they do. I was at my parent's church this past weekend for their Christmas program The Living Christmas Tree and my friend Amy sang such a beautiful song called Christmas in heaven. The words to that song make me bawl like a baby but I really do wonder what Christmas is like in heaven. I listen to that song all the time and Amy did such an amazing job. I was so happy I got to take Brooke and her family and know that song touched their heart.
Well the whole reason I wrote this blog I wanted to share Brooke and my Christmas trees but I got to typing and poured my heart out and it just kept coming out. I probably won't write such a long blog again. But yes our trees are amazing we have 4 hahaha. Brooke just got a black 7 foot multicolored tree (yes I know what you are thinking what black for a christmas tree but it really is beautiful) then we have our white with blue ornaments tree then Brooke's sister made us two little trees last year that I adore. Brooke's is a white with purple ornaments music themed tree and mine is a silver with red and black ornaments photographer/camera themed tree. I loove that tree so much!
So here they are...
Brooke made a tree topper for the black tree that is her angel her Daddy. We put his picture in ornaments on the tree and I put a butterfly for Memaw on there. Then I made the awesome snowflake bow tree topper for the white and blue tree and had to show off my fav EKA ornaments Erin got me for EKA Christmas.
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